Insecurities

Lately I have been

• staying up til 4am
• obtaining new things (glasses, camera bags, movies)
• watching a lot of TV (obsessed with Breaking Bad and Downton Abbey)
• making a lot of decisions
• breaking in shoes
• trying too hard to make everything perfect

Next week, I will be in an airplane on my way to *~~Australia~~*! To study! For 4 months! 

I've been packing and buying things for the trip, and frankly I'm worn out. I am excited, but also nervous. It's been a long time since I've embarked on an adventure. 

I don't know who my room mate will be. 

I don't know if I'm staying with a host family or in dorms. 

I don't know if I'll have the skill set to take the classes I want. I'm not a graphic designer and those are all the classes I'm taking.

I don't want to come off as an ignorant, privileged American.

I don't want to arrive hostile to my environment because I will be denied certain things by my program (Internet access mostly).

I don't want to stand out.

All these fears and doubts and insecurities are valid, and I don't want to dismiss them. I anticipate feeling vulnerable as an American. I will stand out, especially in my classes. I really don't know as much as I should about Australia. I'd like to think no one will make fun of me because of this, but they might, and I just need to recognize it. And it's probably nothing I can change that will affect that possible outcome.

I just keep telling myself that studying abroad is something I've wanted to do since middle school. I've always wanted to live in another country, not just as a tourist or vacation. Going into college I knew I wanted to study abroad. I just had no idea where. Ideally, I wanted to go to Japan. I'm really not sure how I ended up in a program at Australia, except I was seriously considering it even as long ago as 2011! It wasn't my first pick. I've read that Australia is essentially a combination of American and British cultures. It is an "exotic" country, but much more in my "comfort" zone than say Italy or China. Initially, I felt like a wimp for going to such a "safe" country. But to be honest, I secretly wanted to live and study somewhere with the same basic language as me, just so I could transition easier. Since then, I've become immensely excited about Australia. I'm sure I will become more excited the more I find out about this country (because to be honest, I'm pretty clueless). 

I plan to update as often as I can while in Australia. I haven't decided whether to create a specific blog dedicated to my adventure or not. I will attempt to me as objective as possible, and maybe helpful for future study abroad students, but my main goal for this blog is to share my photos, experiences, and thoughts. Expect it to be personal.